- Is an occasionally published writer
- Sometimes tries standup comedy (okay, so he’s done it once, but he really plans to do it again someday)
- Desperately wants to the world to see Idris Elba on the outside, but is really Bea Arthur on the inside
- Uses em-dashes instead of commas and also doesn’t really know what an em-dash is
- Has a wardrobe made nearly exclusively of Flint, Michigan, t-shirts
- Thinks Aerosmith had a better career than the Rolling Stones
- Has tattoos but would lose in a fight to anyone
If you’d like me to nervously tell jokes in front of tens of people, write stories for you, or naively open phishing emails: patrickhayes13(at)prontonmail(dot)com. You can also find me on Twitter or Instagram.